


Penance

by AoiTsukikage



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Birthday, Bittersweet, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 14:51:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16494734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoiTsukikage/pseuds/AoiTsukikage
Summary: The truth is, he doesn’t know Keito as well as he likes to pretend.





	Penance

“I thought you’d be the first to leave.”

“And let your party continue into the night?  Unlikely,” Keito sounds tired, which is only natural since Rei’s betting he’s been supervising both of the gatherings happening today.  

“Speaking of parties, thank you for attending,” Rei says quietly, swiping a few crumbs off of one of the now-bare tabletops.  “I had hoped, of course, but…”

“Mostly I was here to make sure nothing went awry,” Keito says bluntly, his dishonest side shining through even now.  “When you oddballs get together, more often than not things end up causing me work.”

“And yet you didn’t have to be an active participant,” Rei mentions lightly, glancing sideways at Keito as he picks up his wine glass - filled with tomato juice, of course - and swirls it around before drinking.  “Remember, _bozu_ , I know you far better than you give me credit for.”

“So what is the point, then?” Keito asks softly.  “Why keep trying to act like there’s anything left between us?  Why...perpetuate the idea that we could be friends?”

“Are you saying we never were?” Rei lets the hurt he’s feeling seep into his tone, because this...this is one thing he’s absolutely _sure_ is a lie.  

The truth is, he doesn’t know Keito as well as he likes to pretend.  If he had, he never would have let his heart get so far into the other man’s grasp.  He would have guarded himself fully, accepting that their mutual agreement would inevitably end and one of them would lose.  He would have admitted to himself, as he should have long ago, that Eichi would always be Keito’s top priority and so _his_ loss was assured from the start.  

Instead, he’d let himself hope.  He’d let himself believe that somehow things would sort themselves out, that even if the worst should occur and the fragile bonds woven between them should snap, there was a chance to weave them together again.  

And then, perhaps the most egregious sin of all: he’d convinced himself that Keito would feel the same.  

That, it turns out, has been his undoing.  Everything he’s done since that day, since the day he’d conceded defeat and accepted for himself that he was only being used to further some grand plan, had been with the intent that they could start afresh.  

How human, to have false hope, he thinks with a bitter smile as he finishes the last of his juice.  

“Sakuma,” Keito’s voice breaks him out of his musings and he blinks slowly, turning to seek him out in the fading light.  “You need to leave.”

“Ah, of course, the hour is late and-“

“No.  Not the school.  You need to leave the past in the past, and move forward in your own way.  I can’t do this anymore,” his voice is worn thin, like the slightest bit of pressure will make it break, and Rei can practically feel him shaking from where he stands.  

“Forgive me,” he finally says, his eyes drawn to the sky outside the window.  It’s orange with the setting sun, a bloody red ball sinking toward the horizon, and Rei feels more alone than ever.  “It was foolish of me to thrust my own feelings onto you. I had thought that if I forgave you, it would soothe all of our past transgressions.  Perhaps this is yet another aspect of being human I’ve yet to understand,” he murmurs, dropping his eyes because even in this weak state the sun still hurts.  

“You can’t decide how other people feel,” Keito moves, his shoes clicking lightly on the tiled floor.  “But I also can’t blame you entirely for presuming. You know what my family is like, what I’ve grown up being tasked to do, and to that end, you fascinate me.  The cycle of life and death is something I can prepare for, that I know inside and out, and for me it’s no more than another ritual I have to carry out with an almost mundane sort of regularity.  But you…”

“I thought my not being human was the root cause of all of this?” Rei laughs softly, though there’s no humor in it.  

“I’m getting there,” Keito says brusquely, and Rei nods in an invitation for him to continue.  “Your forgiveness is not unwelcome, but I believe there’s a balance that has to be achieved in life.  I don’t contest the guilt I feel, because it’s deserved, but there’s only so much penance one can bear.  With you, it’s eternal.”

Rei’s head snaps up again, his eyes growing wide because _this..._ this isn’t what he’s been expecting.  He’d thought that perhaps Keito didn’t _want_ his forgiveness, but knowing that it will never be enough for him…

“I apologize, then.  I have never wanted to hurt you,” he promises softly.  “And I see now that trying to establish some sort of relationship between us is doing just that.  I will try my best to stay out of your way from now on.”

It hurts to say the words, it hurts so _much,_ but then again...maybe Rei’s penance is eternal, too.  Maybe his entire existence is a blemish on the natural order of things and endless suffering is the only way to pay for it.  

Keito lets out a frustrated growl and Rei turns properly this time, intending to leave, but a strong grip around his wrist stops him from doing that.  “If there’s anything you should apologize for, it’s getting under my skin so deeply that I can’t get rid of you,” Keito’s breathing harshly, filled with some strong cocktail of emotions that Rei can’t begin to sort out.  “I…”

“Use me, then.  Let this old demon be your outlet,” Rei might regret those words, but in this moment, it feels right.  “Your penance, my penance...forget all of it for now. Just do what your instincts tell you.”

Keito’s still for so long that Rei almost, _almost_ breaks the silence to speak again, but then Keito uses the hold on his arm to spin him around, bringing them face-to-face.  

“Sakuma...what do you think I want to do to you right now?” the look in his eyes is intense, boring into Rei’s own.  

“I couldn’t say,” Rei’s own voice sounds soft compared to the barely-restrained rage in Keito’s tone.  “As I’ve discovered too often, I truly _don’t_ know people as well as I pretend to.”

“It’s not too late to learn,” Keito replies before closing the distance between them, so near that Rei can feel his breath against his lips.  He doesn’t make the final move, his body tense like a taut bowstring, and Rei knows he can either fire the proverbial arrow there or let it drop, unused and useless, to the ground.  

And it’s scary.  It’s _scary._ He doesn’t know what it means, he doesn’t know if it will fix anything, but damn it if he doesn’t want to push all of those worries aside and indulge in something _simple_ for once.  

Both of them like to be in control, to think they have the upper hand, so maybe knowing that _neither_ of them do right in this moment...maybe that’s what makes Rei’s mind up for him.  

It’s not a glamorous kiss.  It’s not romantic or desperate or even passionate at _all,_ really, but it’s warm and it’s familiar and it’s so fleetingly, _achingly_ human in its fragility that Rei suddenly thinks that maybe he knows Keito after all.  

Keito doesn’t let go of him when he draws back, his fingers still firm on Rei’s wrist even as his body trembles.  “There was a time...back then...that I thought your compassion could save me. Maybe it still can,” he lets out a sharp laugh and backs up.  “A son of the temple saved by a demon...that’s just like us, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps the only thing we need to understand where we’re concerned is that nothing is as we expect it to be,” Rei strides forward and pulls Keito into his arms, hoping he’s not reading everything wrong yet again.  “Thank you. I know this changes nothing, but I hope it can begin to.”

Keito’s hands weakly clutch at his uniform jacket, holding the embrace for a few lingering moments before he withdraws.  “You’re right,” he finally whispers. “It doesn’t change anything.”

He adjusts his glasses and turns to leave, stopping in the doorway to look back over his shoulder.  

“Happy Birthday,” he smiles, the real one that Rei sees so rarely and yet makes Keito’s entire being seem infinitely warmer.  It’s an intimate expression, one that says what he’s thinking even without words to affirm it. “And…”

“And?” Rei smirks back, pleased to see Keito’s cheeks darken slightly at the intentionally flirty action.  

“Don’t stay too late,” Keito’s gone then, leaving without any trace that he’d been there at all, but Rei knows better.  

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, managing to navigate to the photo they’d taken earlier in the day with Koga.  Keito’s hardly smiling, looking annoyed at the weight of Rei’s arm around his shoulders, but the whole idea of actions speaking louder than words might apply to him more than most people.  

Maybe Rei’s been right all along, and maybe he hasn’t, but either way, there's one thing he can say with certainty:

Hasumi Keito is a fascinating human. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Rei.
> 
> Honestly, Keito showing up at Rei's party was something I'd hoped for because their relationship makes me feel a lot of things and this fic kind of sprung out of that. Please feel free to comment if you enjoyed, and if you'd like to yell at me about idol boys on twitter, I'm [here](https://twitter.com/_mikarashis)!


End file.
